Reboots. Sequels. Reboots of reboots that had sequels.
Then there’s Valerian and the City of Long Movie Titles. Oh, that’s a comic book adaptation? At least it looks pretty.
Luc Besson (“legendary director,” according to some marketing campaigns) has a new film coming out this year. Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets (do the 1,000 planets have cities? do those cities have planets inside of them? we may never know).
Besson is best known for a great crime film, The Professional, and a slightly over-rated, imaginative science fiction cult hit The Fifth Element. He also made Lucy, but let’s not talk about it.
Valerian looks like a spiritual sequel to The Fifth Element. The new trailer for the film, admittedly, looks quite beautiful on a computer generated level.
There is also no reason to believe that the film will hold up in any other way. Besson is a visual director, that is clear. The fact that the narrative of Valerian is largely held at surface level in the two trailers we have seen so far is likely telling, then, of what we should expect from the film.
Maybe Valerian won’t be the CG porn Summer film that it appears. But I wouldn’t walk into this film expecting anything literary on a storytelling level. The film is aiming for a Best Visual Effects Oscar. Beyond that, I haven’t seen anything from this film’s marketing that proves to me that it will be good for anything else.
In 1990, Stephen King’s It was adapted into a two-part television miniseries starring Tim Curry. In 2017, It is being given the big screen reboot starring Bill Skarsgard (Hemlock Grove).
The teaser trailer for this September release is not particularly promising. When the most interesting part of your trailer is a red balloon and not the scary clown, there might be a problem.
The release date of the film is also not promising. Particularly for a horror film, being squished between Summer and October is not a good spot. For some context, It is being release on September 8. In 2016, September 9 marked the release of two ill-conceived horror-thriller films: When the Bough Breaks and The Disappointments Room.
Release dates aren’t everything. Expectations can be subverted. But given that this film already has high expectations, not having a Halloween-time release is a reason to be questionable.
The trailer for the film shows that the film may be setting itself up for a sequel. The focus on the child characters seems to indicate that the film will only cover the first half of the story. Perhaps the 30-years-later storyline will be covered in a sequel.
On a final note, does anyone else think that Pennywise is not that terrifying in this trailer? I mean, Skarsgard is no Curry, but the way he is captured in this trailer is kind of annoying.
Spider-Man 6: Spider-Man: Homecoming is a Spider-Man movie. Marvel recently released a new trailer for this high profile Summer release, and, you know, it’s still a movie. It’s still happening. Get ready to contribute to Disney’s next $1 billion dollars.
In case you didn’t see the first trailer (or any other Spider-Man film from the past two decades), Spider-Man is a teen boy with web-slinging powers and a nice head of hair. Grumpy old men like Michael Keaton want to stop Spider-Man from having a nice head of hair, and Spider-Man has to stop Keaton’s The Vulture from…splitting a boat in half, I guess.
Spider-Man: Homecoming will continue to be a movie until we all see it on July 7 and forget it three months later when the first Avengers: Infinity War trailer is released.
Is it clear that I am sick of Spider-Man movies? This movie will be fine. It will inevitably be better than The Amazing Spider-Man 2 and Spider-Man 3. But, besides the addition of Robert Downey Jr.’s Iron Man, this doesn’t read as any different than the Spider-Man films that have come before it.
Forget Spider-Man being in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. I’m waiting for the day when Deadpool is brought into the MCU and we get to see Deadpool Kills the Marvel Universe. That would be the way to go once all of these aging superhero actors’ contracts end. Just butcher ’em.
As always, thanks for reading!
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—Alex Brannan (@TheAlexBrannan)