Category Archives: Leave it

Movies I wish I had skipped. This could be for any number of reasons: the film was made sloppily, the narrative didn’t engage me, or I simply could not connect with the film in any way for whatever reason.

Transformers: The Last Knight (2017) Movie Review

Transformers: The Last Knight is, surprisingly, a movie.

The film is a direct sequel to Transformers: Age of Extinction, not that that is important. Optimus Prime (Peter Cullen), leader of the Autobots, is adrift in space, frosted over in route to his homeworld.

And he will remain frosted over for most of the movie.

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Meanwhile, on Earth, various humans have agendas related to Transformers and Continue reading Transformers: The Last Knight (2017) Movie Review

All Eyez On Me (2017) Movie Review

At first, All Eyez On Me, the new biopic on rap sensation Tupac Shakur (Demetrius Shipp Jr.), comes off as a film trying to be efficiently synoptic, if not a bit rushed in getting to the point.

Within 15 minutes, we watch Tupac’s pregnant mother (played with a tenacious vigor by Danai Gurira) being released from prison, Tupac growing up in a family being watched by the FBI for Black Panther and perhaps criminal affiliations, and moving to Baltimore where his love of poetry and Shakespeare eventually leads to his rap career (once he moves again, this time to Oakland).

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This is the first half of the first act. The film runs rampant with Continue reading All Eyez On Me (2017) Movie Review

47 Meters Down (2017) Movie Review

In 1975, Steven Spielberg’s Jaws changed the way people viewed sharks. Seemingly, he changed that perception forever, as every so often a movie like 47 Meters Down comes out to remind us just how bloodthirsty these giant sea monsters can be.

Now, there is nothing wrong with Continue reading 47 Meters Down (2017) Movie Review

The Mummy (2017) Movie Review

In the 1930s and the 1940s, Universal made a name for itself creating monster movies. Dracula, Frankenstein, and The Wolfman, among others, were hugely popular intellectual properties in Hollywood. They made household names of Bela Lugosi and Boris Karloff. They were undoubtedly iconic films.

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Now, Universal is rebooting the franchise. They first attempted this interconnected horror universe with Continue reading The Mummy (2017) Movie Review

War Machine (2017) Movie Review

Glenn McMahon (Brad Pitt) is a celebrated, if not eccentric, United States Marine General tasked with leading NATO forces in 2009 Afghanistan. In 10 minutes, David Michod’s War Machine introduces McMahon’s team, none of which appear as appealing as Pitt’s left-eye bulging, tight-lipped officer of the people.

McMahon is tasked with handling relations with Afghanistan while the war winds down under the Barack Obama administration. It is a “nation-building exercise,” one which McMahon takes on with gusto.

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Pitt’s character is, in delivery, an aged version of Lt. Aldo Raine. A gruff southern accent and a high degree of eyebrow expressivity control them both. Except, here, Pitt’s McMahon is Continue reading War Machine (2017) Movie Review

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales (2017) Movie Review

Franchises, by their very nature, are formulaic. As such, those who enjoy the Pirates of the Caribbean formula will likely find some enjoyment in this fifth installment. Because it is exactly the same film as the others.

The glaring issue with these films is quite clear. Pacing. Set pieces in Dead Men Tell No Tales, from moment one, are overblown and tiresome. The introduction of the enigmatic Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) begins light and humorous, but this apt intro is squandered when the chase sequence extends far beyond its reach.

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Aside from these pacing issues, in which scenes continue far past their natural expiration date, the attempt at story in this fourth sequel is Continue reading Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales (2017) Movie Review

Baywatch (2017) Movie Review

Remember CHiPs? Remember how that worked out? Yeah? See where I’m going with this?

Starting from a baseline jump in which no one can possibly take it seriously is seemingly a good place for a film to begin. Expectations are meaningless when you are a high concept soft reboot with guaranteed bankability.

With the bar set this low, we shall look at Baywatch with a grain of salt (I would say sand, but this review is no laughing matter).

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Matt Brody (Zac Efron and his washboard abs) is a disgraced two-time Olympic gold medalist whose career has been ruined by an unfortunate, vomitus-centered relay race. With no sponsors, job, or home, Brody has only one place to turn to: Continue reading Baywatch (2017) Movie Review