Baywatch (2017) Movie Review

Remember CHiPs? Remember how that worked out? Yeah? See where I’m going with this?

Starting from a baseline jump in which no one can possibly take it seriously is seemingly a good place for a film to begin. Expectations are meaningless when you are a high concept soft reboot with guaranteed bankability.

With the bar set this low, we shall look at Baywatch with a grain of salt (I would say sand, but this review is no laughing matter).

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Matt Brody (Zac Efron and his washboard abs) is a disgraced two-time Olympic gold medalist whose career has been ruined by an unfortunate, vomitus-centered relay race. With no sponsors, job, or home, Brody has only one place to turn to: Continue reading Baywatch (2017) Movie Review

The Films of the Alien Franchise Ranked

With Alien: Covenant on the horizon, we take a look back at the Alien franchise as a whole.  Which means, we make unnecessary and often unfair comparisons between films with vastly different creative teams at the helm.

There are eight films that feature the H.R. Giger xenomorph alien, and we are going to rank them all. Yes, including Alien: Covenant.

 

8. Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem

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Words cannot express how Continue reading The Films of the Alien Franchise Ranked

Weekend Box Office Predictions: 4/19 – 4/21

In 2012, Prometheus became the highest grossing Alien movie (not adjusted for inflation). Weirdly enough, it wasn’t really an Alien movie at all.

But the numbers make sense, given the film was Ridley Scott’s return to the beloved franchise that he created. Alien: Covenant, releasing this Friday, is Scott’s return to a real Alien film. Will it take number one this weekend? Do I like to use leading questions as a means of getting people on my homepage to click through to the full article?

Yes. The answer…the answer’s yes.

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Box Office Predictions: Weekend of 4/19

Continue reading Weekend Box Office Predictions: 4/19 – 4/21

Alien: Covenant (2017) Movie Review

Alien was set against the backdrop of corporate struggles between white collar and blue collar. Aliens: on the backdrop of ragtag soldiers not understanding the gravity of their situation; an extended metaphor for Vietnam, if you will. Alien 3, although flawed for it, is about religious persecution by way of prison purgatory.

Alien: Covenant? It is set on the backdrop of ironic lost love. Thanks, Hollywood.

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On a colonization vessel, the Covenant, headed for an Earth-like planet, an aberration in space causes a handful of the thousands of passengers to lose their lives. Among them is Continue reading Alien: Covenant (2017) Movie Review

Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007) Movie Review

In preparation for the May release of Alien: Covenant (Dir. Ridley Scott), CineFiles is looking back at the decades-spanning horror sci-fi franchise. In this installment, we look at the ill-received Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem, the second film to pair the two horror monster heavyweights.

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A dramatic reenactment of a pivotal scene from AVP: Requiem

Directed by the Brothers Strauss (Colin and Greg), the film involves, like its immediate predecessor, a Continue reading Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007) Movie Review

Summer 2017 Movie Release Preview: July

July. There are movies. Some of them are big. Some of them will suck. Must I go on writing preamble?

 

July 7

Spider-Man: Homecoming

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Do we need another Spider-Man movie? He was my favorite comic book character as a child. Then I grew older and cynical and found out about Watchman and The Killing Joke. Either way, my inner child is sick of Continue reading Summer 2017 Movie Release Preview: July

Alien: Resurrection (1997) Movie Review

2379, hundreds of years after her death, Ripley (Sigourney Weaver) is cloned by United Systems Military in order to extract the xenomorph larvae from her pregnant stomach.

A simple setup: another space station, another alien, another situation Ripley has to get herself out of. If it ain’t broke?

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Alien: Resurrection is director Jean-Pierre Jeunet pre-Amelie and writer Joss Whedon just as he was finding success with Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Two heavy-duty cinematic work horses behind this studio-infiltrated franchise sequel. What could go wrong? Continue reading Alien: Resurrection (1997) Movie Review

One man. Millions of movies.