Action/Thriller, All Movie Reviews, Leave it, Long Reviews (>400 Words), Sci-Fi/Fantasy

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales (2017) Movie Review

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Franchises, by their very nature, are formulaic. As such, those who enjoy the Pirates of the Caribbean formula will likely find some enjoyment in this fifth installment. Because it is exactly the same film as the others.

The glaring issue with these films is quite clear. Pacing. Set pieces in Dead Men Tell No Tales, from moment one, are overblown and tiresome. The introduction of the enigmatic Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) begins light and humorous, but this apt intro is squandered when the chase sequence extends far beyond its reach.

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Aside from these pacing issues, in which scenes continue far past their natural expiration date, the attempt at story in this fourth sequel is Continue reading Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales (2017) Movie Review →

Box Office Predictions, Movie News

2017 Summer Box Office Predictions

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I’m about a month late to this game, but, you know, life gets in the way sometimes. Who are you to judge? This said, I am cheating a bit with a month’s worth of data already available.

Either way, it is time to take a look at what Hollywood blockbusters will top the domestic box office in Summer 2017 (Summer 2017 in this case encompassing the period between the first weekend in May and Labor Day weekend). Shall we?

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The Top Ten: Continue reading 2017 Summer Box Office Predictions →

All Movie Reviews, Comedy, Leave it, Long Reviews (>400 Words)

Baywatch (2017) Movie Review

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Remember CHiPs? Remember how that worked out? Yeah? See where I’m going with this?

Starting from a baseline jump in which no one can possibly take it seriously is seemingly a good place for a film to begin. Expectations are meaningless when you are a high concept soft reboot with guaranteed bankability.

With the bar set this low, we shall look at Baywatch with a grain of salt (I would say sand, but this review is no laughing matter).

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Matt Brody (Zac Efron and his washboard abs) is a disgraced two-time Olympic gold medalist whose career has been ruined by an unfortunate, vomitus-centered relay race. With no sponsors, job, or home, Brody has only one place to turn to: Continue reading Baywatch (2017) Movie Review →

Lists

The Films of the Alien Franchise Ranked

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With Alien: Covenant on the horizon, we take a look back at the Alien franchise as a whole.  Which means, we make unnecessary and often unfair comparisons between films with vastly different creative teams at the helm.

There are eight films that feature the H.R. Giger xenomorph alien, and we are going to rank them all. Yes, including Alien: Covenant.

 

8. Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem

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Words cannot express how Continue reading The Films of the Alien Franchise Ranked →

Box Office Predictions, Movie News

Weekend Box Office Predictions: 4/19 – 4/21

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In 2012, Prometheus became the highest grossing Alien movie (not adjusted for inflation). Weirdly enough, it wasn’t really an Alien movie at all.

But the numbers make sense, given the film was Ridley Scott’s return to the beloved franchise that he created. Alien: Covenant, releasing this Friday, is Scott’s return to a real Alien film. Will it take number one this weekend? Do I like to use leading questions as a means of getting people on my homepage to click through to the full article?

Yes. The answer…the answer’s yes.

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Box Office Predictions: Weekend of 4/19

Continue reading Weekend Box Office Predictions: 4/19 – 4/21 →

All Movie Reviews, Horror, Like It, Long Reviews (>400 Words), Sci-Fi/Fantasy

Alien: Covenant (2017) Movie Review

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Alien was set against the backdrop of corporate struggles between white collar and blue collar. Aliens: on the backdrop of ragtag soldiers not understanding the gravity of their situation; an extended metaphor for Vietnam, if you will. Alien 3, although flawed for it, is about religious persecution by way of prison purgatory.

Alien: Covenant? It is set on the backdrop of ironic lost love. Thanks, Hollywood.

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On a colonization vessel, the Covenant, headed for an Earth-like planet, an aberration in space causes a handful of the thousands of passengers to lose their lives. Among them is Continue reading Alien: Covenant (2017) Movie Review →

All Movie Reviews, Horror, Leave it, Long Reviews (>400 Words), Sci-Fi/Fantasy

Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007) Movie Review

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In preparation for the May release of Alien: Covenant (Dir. Ridley Scott), CineFiles is looking back at the decades-spanning horror sci-fi franchise. In this installment, we look at the ill-received Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem, the second film to pair the two horror monster heavyweights.

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A dramatic reenactment of a pivotal scene from AVP: Requiem

Directed by the Brothers Strauss (Colin and Greg), the film involves, like its immediate predecessor, a Continue reading Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007) Movie Review →

One man. Millions of movies.