Category Archives: Leave it

Movies I wish I had skipped. This could be for any number of reasons: the film was made sloppily, the narrative didn’t engage me, or I simply could not connect with the film in any way for whatever reason.

Action/Thriller, All Movie Reviews, Leave it, Long Reviews (>400 Words), Sci-Fi/Fantasy

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales (2017) Movie Review

Franchises, by their very nature, are formulaic. As such, those who enjoy the Pirates of the Caribbean formula will likely find some enjoyment in this fifth installment. Because it is exactly the same film as the others.

The glaring issue with these films is quite clear. Pacing. Set pieces in Dead Men Tell No Tales, from moment one, are overblown and tiresome. The introduction of the enigmatic Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) begins light and humorous, but this apt intro is squandered when the chase sequence extends far beyond its reach.

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Aside from these pacing issues, in which scenes continue far past their natural expiration date, the attempt at story in this fourth sequel is Continue reading Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales (2017) Movie Review →

All Movie Reviews, Comedy, Leave it, Long Reviews (>400 Words)

Baywatch (2017) Movie Review

Remember CHiPs? Remember how that worked out? Yeah? See where I’m going with this?

Starting from a baseline jump in which no one can possibly take it seriously is seemingly a good place for a film to begin. Expectations are meaningless when you are a high concept soft reboot with guaranteed bankability.

With the bar set this low, we shall look at Baywatch with a grain of salt (I would say sand, but this review is no laughing matter).

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Matt Brody (Zac Efron and his washboard abs) is a disgraced two-time Olympic gold medalist whose career has been ruined by an unfortunate, vomitus-centered relay race. With no sponsors, job, or home, Brody has only one place to turn to: Continue reading Baywatch (2017) Movie Review →

All Movie Reviews, F Movies, Horror, Leave it, Long Reviews (>400 Words), Sci-Fi/Fantasy

Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007) Movie Review

In preparation for the May release of Alien: Covenant (Dir. Ridley Scott), CineFiles is looking back at the decades-spanning horror sci-fi franchise. In this installment, we look at the ill-received Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem, the second film to pair the two horror monster heavyweights.

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A dramatic reenactment of a pivotal scene from AVP: Requiem

Directed by the Brothers Strauss (Colin and Greg), the film involves, like its immediate predecessor, a Continue reading Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007) Movie Review →

Action/Thriller, All Movie Reviews, Leave it

King Arthur: Legend of the Sword (2017) Movie Review

Director Guy Ritchie’s new venture, King Arthur: Legend of the Sword, opens on a war sequence that introduces Uther Pendragon (Eric Bana), the father of the once and future king Arthur (Charlie Hunnam), as well as one-time king Vortigern (Jude Law).

It is a scene marked by blurry action and messy narrative introduction. Luckily, it is also a scene that is returned to multiple times over throughout the film.

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Following this, we watch little Arthur grow up before our eyes in a very Continue reading King Arthur: Legend of the Sword (2017) Movie Review →

All Movie Reviews, Horror, Leave it, Long Reviews (>400 Words)

Phoenix Forgotten (2017) Movie Review

Phoenix Forgotten opens on Sophie’s (Florence Hartigan) 6th birthday party. Family members give testimonials to camera about Sophie; advice for her as she grows up. Then, a voiceover from Sophie begins the narrative. Her brother Josh (Luke Spencer Roberts) and two of his friends went missing in the desert in 1997. Now, Sophie is returning home to make a documentary about his disappearance.

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The film plays with framing through this setup. In 1997, Josh, obsessed with seeing lights in the Phoenix sky that may or may not be a UFO, starts Continue reading Phoenix Forgotten (2017) Movie Review →

All Movie Reviews, Comedy, Leave it

Sandy Wexler (2017) Movie Review

Adam Sandler. A story of continuous disappointment. The celebrity’s output has a marked shift from his early days to recent years. Pixels. The Ridiculous 6. Even The Cobbler’s different approach to the Sandler brand was a misfire.

Now that Sandler is working with Netflix, it seems like the bar has been lowered significantly.

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The eponymous Sandy Wexler (Sandler), played with one of Sandler’s three voices, is a notorious Hollywood manager. Notorious for being Continue reading Sandy Wexler (2017) Movie Review →

All Movie Reviews, Leave it, Long Reviews (>400 Words), Sci-Fi/Fantasy

The Discovery (2017) Movie Review

What happens in a world where proof of an afterlife is definitive? Thus is the ethical dilemma of The Discovery, the new film from Charlie McDowell (The One I Love) and distributed via Netflix.

Thomas Harbor (Robert Redford), the man credited for what is dubbed “the discovery” grants unprecedented access with an interview; an interview that ends in a crew member’s on-air suicide.

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Elsewhere, Will (Jason Segel) and Isla (Rooney Mara) meet on an otherwise empty ferry. They naval-gaze for a time, discussing how people “grow into their names” or not, how suicide groups in the face of the discovery are disingenuous, and then finally the truth of Continue reading The Discovery (2017) Movie Review →

All Movie Reviews, Comedy, Leave it

Going in Style (2017) Movie Review

Joe (Michael Caine), aging, out of a job, no pension, defaults on his mortgage and is on the verge of losing his house. To solve this problem and stick it to those who wronged him in the process, he decides to recruit his friends (Morgan Freeman and Alan Arkin) to help him rob a bank.

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Zach Braff’s direction in Going in Style yields a social problem comedy that is Continue reading Going in Style (2017) Movie Review →

All Movie Reviews, Comedy, Leave it

Chips (2017) Movie Review

CHiPs. California Highway Patrol. Also, an ’80s television show starring Erik Estrada that is no longer culturally relevant.

There is not much to say about CHiPs, so I will try and keep this short. For a silly reboot comedy, this film about two motorcycle police officers goes dark in weird atonal ways. Heroin, sex addiction, and suicide are all introduced as plot devices within the first 10 minutes of the film.

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As a comedy, the film is, by and large, serviceable. Continue reading Chips (2017) Movie Review →

Action/Thriller, All Movie Reviews, Leave it, Quickie Reviews (<400 Words)

Fast & Furious (2009) Movie Review

In this fourth installment of the Fast & Furious franchise, quite confusingly entitled Fast & Furious, the old crew is up to the same old tricks. Dom (Vin Diesel), Letty (Michelle Rodriguez), and Han (Sung Kang) rob a moving fuel truck in the Dominican Republic. They take their cut and split ways to lay low.

When Letty is murdered, the crew reunites to avenge her death. Wrapped up in this via FBI investigation is Brian O’Conner (Paul Walker), who now works for the bureau.

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With this premise comes the narrative intrigue of Continue reading Fast & Furious (2009) Movie Review →