Movies I wish I had skipped. This could be for any number of reasons: the film was made sloppily, the narrative didn’t engage me, or I simply could not connect with the film in any way for whatever reason.
How else could you possibly start a Sacha Baron Cohen film but with a grotesque sex scene over an R. Kelly track. Not to mention a low-brow Cosby crack.
In The Brothers Grimsby, Nobby (Cohen) is a lowly, dim man who has been waiting for his brother Sebastian’s (Mark Strong) return for 28 years. Sebastian, now an MI6 secret agent, has no intention of ever being found.
The opening credits action scene is surprisingly Continue reading The Brothers Grimsby (2016) Movie Review
Sequels can be many things. They can be good…sometimes. Or they can be superficial rehashes. Or they can be pure nostalgia pieces. Or they can be re-imaginings with topical insertions to try and bring an old property into the present day, where these insertions take the place of original comedy.
Zoolander 2 falls mostly into the latter category. Justin Beiber, Uber, and Susan Boyle are featured in early gags, in moments meant to hook the viewer in. These “topical” moments (Susan Boyle = topical?) feel Continue reading Zoolander 2 (2016) Movie Review
In Sisters, the eponymous sisters Maura (Amy Poehler) and Kate (Tina Fey) are misguided and somewhat juvenile. The two travel to their parent’s house in Orlando, which they find sold and emptied. They protest the loss of their childhood home, and ultimately decide to throw one last party in the house in an attempt to return to their glory days.
The film totes the expected cavalcade of SNL alum. At the head are Fey and Poehler, both of whom Continue reading Sisters (2015) Movie Review
Pride and Prejudice and Zombies is adapted from the book of the same name, and it is exactly what you think. Jane Austen’s famous characters return to the big screen, only now they aren’t combating class and gender barriers, they are samurai fighting zombies.
The film, understanding that the audience is likely already familiar with the Austen classic, begins with some heavy handed exposition revolving around the nature of the narrative’s zombie outbreak. This opening scene involves an interesting point of view shot that comes from a unique perspective, to say the least. Unfortunately, Continue reading Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (2016) Movie Review
The 1995 Halloween sequel The Curse of Michael Myers is a non-canon plot revolving around cults and a survivor of a previous Myers’ massacre. Teenage Jamie (J.C. Brandy) gives birth to a boy on the eve of Halloween, but the child is abducted. Then, she gets the child back and escapes from the candle-lit void of a soundstage that she is resting in before Myers can get to her. Myers, all the while, is searching for the baby, and killing everyone who gets in his way.
The opening of the film is a confusing mash-up of quick cuts and a voiceover that is easy to ignore. Even later, when Jamie is on the run, the film cuts away from action and uses misplaced ellipsis to makes sure the Continue reading Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995) Movie Review
Gaspar Noe’s Love opens on an intimate sex scene. The couple is splayed on a bed, engaged in fervent foreplay. It is a single, long take of the two. They do not move. They do not speak. They just do. All the while, orchestral music rises and falls to the tempo of their rhythm.
We cut to the man, Murphy (Karl Glusman), waking, the soundtrack a voiceover narration lamenting his current life and the choices that got him there. He was high the night before. He is worried that Continue reading Love (2015) Movie Review
Following an alien invasion, a diverse group of 50 people are sucked up into a black void space that is meant to be a spaceship. Each person is forced to stand on a red circle, or they’ll be struck by a killer lightning bolt. Touch one of the other people. Killer lightning. Do nothing for too long. Killer lightning. Turns out, each person gets a vote as to who gets killed every few minutes. It’s like some perverted democracy.
And that’s where the ethical questioning begins.
As the ensemble tries to logically break down the situation at hand, they bicker about Continue reading Circle (2015) Movie Review
Scout’s Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse opens on Blake Anderson from Workaholics (here simply Ron the Janitor) dancing to an Iggy Azalea trap beat. Marvelous. Ron then single-handedly starts the zombie apocalypse. Double marvelous. The dramatic irony and use of space in this opening is great. It might be the best scene in the entire movie comedy-wise.
We then see a dated-looking boy scout recruitment tape led by the comedic styling of David Koechner. Scout Leader Rogers’ (Koechner) Boy Scout Troop 264 is comprised of three archetypal scouts: the brown-nosing overachiever Augie (Joey Morgan), the apathetic burnout Carter (Logan Miller), and the reluctant leader Ben (Tye Sheridan).
When Ben and Carter decide to ditch Augie for a rave that appears to take place in a warehouse (although it is labeled as a rec center, but this is all besides the point), the two boys stumble upon Continue reading Scout’s Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse (2015) Movie Review
Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones is the fifth installment of the Paranormal Activity franchise, although it is not a direct sequel. It is a spin-off of the franchise, its characters not directly involved with the rest of the series. As such, it is not to be confused with the upcoming Paranormal Activity 5: The Ghost Dimension.
In The Marked Ones, recent high school graduate Jesse (Andrew Jacobs) and his friend Hector (Jorge Diaz) start filming their day-to-day encounters. After his neighbor dies inexplicably, Jesse and Hector break into her apartment to investigate. They come across Continue reading Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones (2014) Movie Review
Danny Boyle’s Steve Jobs depicts the life of the computer innovator through three separate product launches, all depictions taking place seemingly moments before the show is set to begin.
When we first see Jobs (Michael Fassbender), it is with immediacy. Immediately frustrated. Immediately aggressive. Immediately demanding. All of this surrounding a simple issue: Continue reading Steve Jobs (2015) Movie Review
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