Category Archives: Long Reviews (>400 Words)

All Movie Reviews, Animation, Like It, Long Reviews (>400 Words)

Cars 3 (2017) Movie Review

June 15, 2017 Alex Brannan

Lightning McQueen (Owen Wilson) isn’t the youthful race car he once was. In fact, Cars 3 makes it a point to reiterate again and again that McQueen is quite old. Given the age of sentient cars is an abstract, hard-to-track concept, I guess this is acceptable.

Technology has advanced (somehow…who builds these cars?) to the point where new rookie racers are optimized for high percentage wins (then again, if antagonist Jackson Storm (Armie Hammer) is the next big thing, wouldn’t all the new cars optimize to the same level of racing, thus making all races even again? And if McQueen can be given those advancements as well, what exactly is stopping him from Continue reading Cars 3 (2017) Movie Review →

All Movie Reviews, Drama, Like It, Long Reviews (>400 Words)

Megan Leavey (2017) Movie Review

June 12, 2017 Alex Brannan

Megan Leavey is your basic determination story. A short, scrawny U.S. Marine recruit (Kate Mara) struggles her way to a position as a bomb-sniffing dog handler. After she does that she has to train the most ornery Marine dog in the camp. After she does that she has to fight to bring that dog home.

While this narrative shows little signs of originality, it does provide Continue reading Megan Leavey (2017) Movie Review →

Action/Thriller, All Movie Reviews, Horror, Leave it, Long Reviews (>400 Words)

The Mummy (2017) Movie Review

June 10, 2017 Alex Brannan

In the 1930s and the 1940s, Universal made a name for itself creating monster movies. Dracula, Frankenstein, and The Wolfman, among others, were hugely popular intellectual properties in Hollywood. They made household names of Bela Lugosi and Boris Karloff. They were undoubtedly iconic films.

Now, Universal is rebooting the franchise. They first attempted this interconnected horror universe with Continue reading The Mummy (2017) Movie Review →

Action/Thriller, All Movie Reviews, Drama, Horror, Long Reviews (>400 Words), Love It

It Comes At Night (2017) Movie Review

June 8, 2017 Alex Brannan

It Comes At Night is a terse family drama disguising itself as a horror film. Still, it remains the scariest filmgoing experience of 2017 thus far.

The film takes place in an idyllic cabin hideaway in the woods. It is the sort of place that you would run off to on a lazy Summer weekend. But this house also has wood boarding up its windows. It has a pair of doors—one prominently red—locking itself off from the outside world.

This is no vacation. It is survival.

This contrast that director Trey Edward Shults plays with is crucial to the thematic understanding of It Comes At Night. In the film, a family of three have just buried Continue reading It Comes At Night (2017) Movie Review →

Action/Thriller, All Movie Reviews, Like It, Long Reviews (>400 Words)

Wonder Woman (2017) Movie Review

June 2, 2017 Alex Brannan

First good DC cinematic universe film?! All female screenings?! Uproar over a movie based on children’s comic books?! Interrobangs?!

Diana “Prince” (Gal Gadot) is Princess of the Amazons on Themyscira. Trained at a young age as a warrior god, Diana becomes transfixed with the concept of vanquishing Ares, the god who defied Zeus and condemned the world of man to war.

When a Great War soldier, Steve Trevor (Chris Pine), enters Themyscira through a portal, hurtling out of the sky in a crashing fighter plane, Diana rushes out to save him. The German army in hot pursuit of Trevor, the Amazons must fight them off, and Diana gets her first glimpse at the horrors of war.

From here, she sets out to Continue reading Wonder Woman (2017) Movie Review →

All Movie Reviews, Drama, Horror, Like It, Long Reviews (>400 Words)

The Girl With All the Gifts (2016) Movie Review

May 31, 2017 Alex Brannan

Melanie (Sennia Nanua) is confined to a cell. She must strap herself in to a wheelchair at gunpoint before she can leave it. She is kept under close, militaristic watch. She is dangerous. And she is also a child.

In a secure compound, children like Melanie learn by rote during the day and are held in lockdown at night. They are test subjects for a Continue reading The Girl With All the Gifts (2016) Movie Review →

All Movie Reviews, Comedy, Drama, Like It, Long Reviews (>400 Words)

The Lovers (2017) Movie Review

May 31, 2017 Alex Brannan

Mary (Debra Winger) and Michael (Tracy Letts) are married. They are also both planning to leave the other to run off with their lovers, Robert (Aidan Gillen) and Lucy (Melora Walters) respectively. Both of them plan to drop the big news on or around the visit from their son Joel (Tyler Ross).

And that’s the ticking clock. In the meantime, the couple is meant to Continue reading The Lovers (2017) Movie Review →

All Movie Reviews, Comedy, Drama, Leave it, Long Reviews (>400 Words)

War Machine (2017) Movie Review

May 30, 2017 Alex Brannan

Glenn McMahon (Brad Pitt) is a celebrated, if not eccentric, United States Marine General tasked with leading NATO forces in 2009 Afghanistan. In 10 minutes, David Michod’s War Machine introduces McMahon’s team, none of which appear as appealing as Pitt’s left-eye bulging, tight-lipped officer of the people.

McMahon is tasked with handling relations with Afghanistan while the war winds down under the Barack Obama administration. It is a “nation-building exercise,” one which McMahon takes on with gusto.

Pitt’s character is, in delivery, an aged version of Lt. Aldo Raine. A gruff southern accent and a high degree of eyebrow expressivity control them both. Except, here, Pitt’s McMahon is Continue reading War Machine (2017) Movie Review →

Action/Thriller, All Movie Reviews, Leave it, Long Reviews (>400 Words), Sci-Fi/Fantasy

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales (2017) Movie Review

May 28, 2017 Alex Brannan

Franchises, by their very nature, are formulaic. As such, those who enjoy the Pirates of the Caribbean formula will likely find some enjoyment in this fifth installment. Because it is exactly the same film as the others.

The glaring issue with these films is quite clear. Pacing. Set pieces in Dead Men Tell No Tales, from moment one, are overblown and tiresome. The introduction of the enigmatic Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) begins light and humorous, but this apt intro is squandered when the chase sequence extends far beyond its reach.

Aside from these pacing issues, in which scenes continue far past their natural expiration date, the attempt at story in this fourth sequel is Continue reading Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales (2017) Movie Review →

All Movie Reviews, Comedy, Leave it, Long Reviews (>400 Words)

Baywatch (2017) Movie Review

May 26, 2017 Alex Brannan

Remember CHiPs? Remember how that worked out? Yeah? See where I’m going with this?

Starting from a baseline jump in which no one can possibly take it seriously is seemingly a good place for a film to begin. Expectations are meaningless when you are a high concept soft reboot with guaranteed bankability.

With the bar set this low, we shall look at Baywatch with a grain of salt (I would say sand, but this review is no laughing matter).

Matt Brody (Zac Efron and his washboard abs) is a disgraced two-time Olympic gold medalist whose career has been ruined by an unfortunate, vomitus-centered relay race. With no sponsors, job, or home, Brody has only one place to turn to: Continue reading Baywatch (2017) Movie Review →

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