Nothing says kicking off a new year at the movies quite like an AI-driven robot toy singing a haunting lullaby rendition of a Sia song a few hours after said robot violently attacks a mopey child bully.
Before the pandemic caused the movie industry to throw out the playbook on theatrical releases, January was a month notorious for its low-quality new releases. Traditionally, January fare includes Continue reading M3GAN (2023) Movie Review
This review of Saw III is part of the Saw Franchise Retrospective series in anticipation of this month’s release of Jigsaw.
Saw III might be the most dull installment of the torture porn franchise. Directed, like with the first sequel, by Darren Lynn Bousman, this seeming end to a trilogy sees the final waning days of John Kramer (Tobin Bell). Kramer is an aging man with terminal brain cancer. He is also an eccentric serial killer known as Jigsaw.
While needing critical brain surgery (he kidnaps a woman and forces her to operate to solve this issue), Jigsaw has another crazy plot Continue reading Saw III (2006) Movie Review
This review of Saw is part of the Saw Franchise Retrospective series in anticipation of this month’s release of Jigsaw.
The first image we see in James Wan’s Saw, now somewhat of a perennial torture porn classic, sets up the illogical world that this series is grounded in. A fitting introduction, one might say. We see Adam (Leigh Whannell, who also serves as screenwriter) underwater in a tub with a key dangling in front of his face. He is holding his breath, but also unconscious. When he wakes, he yanks open the drain and the key disappears forever.
How long was he out? How could he be alive after Continue reading Saw (2004) Movie Review
The The Fast and the Furious franchise is one of the strangest Hollywood franchises around. Its “revival” after four films has resulted in higher budgets, higher grosses, better critical acclaim, and Vin Diesel making increasingly bold claims about the films.
With this discrepancy between old and new, with the franchise more popular now than ever, it seems fitting to inspect the franchise synoptically and rank them accordingly.
And yes this includes the upcoming The Fate of the Furious.
2009’s confusedly-named Fast and Furious, the fourth in the franchise, is the Continue reading All of The Fast and the Furious Films Ranked
Let me start by explaining what I wanted to do with this review, and then I will explain what is actually happening. I have seen Furious 7 twice without seeing any of the other Fast & Furious films. What I planned to do for this retrospective, which is in preparation for the new movie The Fate of the Furious, was to go back and watch every Fast & Furious film and review them.
Instead, I watched the first two and then decided to watch this again. Drunk on micro-brew beer and Mexican food. Because that is clearly the most reasonable state to watch a Fast & Furious film in. The only thing closer to right would be for me to be drinking strictly Corona.
As a result, I am reviewing Furious 7 without a whole lot of knowledge of the franchise. And I am also watching it drunk, so, you know, f*** it.
Deckard Shaw (Jason Statham) is the brother of Owen Shaw (Luke Evans). And he is out for revenge. Why? Because cars…and stuff. He’s Jason Statham; you really don’t need to be asking many questions. Get off my back. He’s the villain, that’s all you need to know.
Brian (Paul Walker) is now a family man, married to Jordana Brewster’s Mia with a kid. Relegated to a mini van, he feels Continue reading Furious 7 (2015) Movie Review
During Ed and Lorraine Warren’s (Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga) investigation of the Amityville horror, Lorraine Warren encounters hell incarnate during a seance in an opening sequence to The Conjuring 2 that is orchestrated with neo-horror precision, combining old school tropes and new era scare tactics.
After amassing a popular following through the Amityville case, the Warrens are requested in Enfield, where they encounter Continue reading The Conjuring 2 (2016) Movie Review
In a recent featurette, covered here via Bloody Disgusting, the cast and crew of the upcoming horror film The Conjuring 2 discuss director James Wan and his “redefining” of the horror genre. While I think redefining is a stretch (admittedly, cinema is “redefined” in hindsight in many cases), the 2-minute video shows interesting insight into Wan and his process.
While I brushed off The Conjuring 2 after its second trailer, which depicted the film as Continue reading Thoughts on The Conjuring 2
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