Category Archives: All Movie Reviews

Action/Thriller, All Movie Reviews, Leave it, Long Reviews (>400 Words), Western

The Dark Tower (2017) Movie Review

Over the course of his prolific pop-literary career, Stephen King has published eight novels under the heading of The Dark Tower series. The series is a dense genre-bending tale of The Gunslinger, brimming with a desolate Western vibe and fantasy tropes.

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The Dark Tower, the long-awaited film adaptation being helmed here by Nikolaj Arcel, is 95 minutes long. It merely skims over that Western vibe to focus on the six shooters and the giant lasers.

You might already see Continue reading The Dark Tower (2017) Movie Review →

Action/Thriller, All Movie Reviews, Like It, Long Reviews (>400 Words)

Atomic Blonde (2017) Movie Review

Armed with a constant blue-gray aesthetic, Atomic Blonde lacks the adrenaline energy of a John Wick despite sharing a director, so much so that the intricately staged hand-to-hand combat sequences can sometimes come off as dreary and mechanical.

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This said, select sequences from this batch are the Continue reading Atomic Blonde (2017) Movie Review →

All Movie Reviews, Animation, F Movies, Loath It

The Emoji Movie (2017) Movie Review

The Emoji Movie is a filthy and irresponsible cash grab that is insulting to the concept of childhood and features full-length advertisements for Candy Crush, Youtube, Instagram, and Just Dance.

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The film is a grating experience chock full of Continue reading The Emoji Movie (2017) Movie Review →

All Movie Reviews, Drama, Long Reviews (>400 Words), Love It

Dunkirk (2017) Movie Review

Christopher Nolan’s Dunkirk is by no means quiet, but it is noticeably mute. In its introduction, Tommy (Fionn Whitehead), a young English soldier caught in the city of Dunkirk surrounded by the fast-burning German army, meanders the abandoned streets with other emaciated young soldiers. No one speaks. Sullenly they walk about, only to be gunned down by unseen Germans.

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The first line of dialogue we hear is more of a yelp, as Tommy exclaims his allied status to a blockade of troops, scrambling to make it to Continue reading Dunkirk (2017) Movie Review →

All Movie Reviews, Comedy, Horror, Like It, Long Reviews (>400 Words)

Kuso (2017) Movie Review

“No one will ever save you,” begins the man (Regan Farquhar aka Busdriver) who hijacks a newscast at the beginning of Steve Ellison’s (aka Flying Lotus) cinematic debut Kuso. “Once you’re dead / you’re dead / There’s no coming back.”

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Thus is a fitting prologue into the world of Kuso, the warped, hallucinogenic vision of its musical creator. No one can save you from Continue reading Kuso (2017) Movie Review →

All Movie Reviews, Leave it, Long Reviews (>400 Words), Sci-Fi/Fantasy

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets (2017) Movie Review

People come to the movie theater to see spectacle. To see what demands to be seen on the large screen. This is one ideology, at least.

Director Luc Besson enjoys his spectacle. With $200 million dollars at his disposable, Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets is what comes of this affection for the visually bombastic.

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The film stars Dane DeHaan as the titular Major Valerian, a government soldier at Alpha, the space station galaxy encompassing 1,000 different planets. Although he plays the title role, however, DeHaan is eclipsed in screentime by Cara Delevigne, who plays Continue reading Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets (2017) Movie Review →

All Movie Reviews, F Movies, Horror, Leave it, Long Reviews (>400 Words)

Wish Upon (2017) Movie Review

In Wish Upon, endlessly picked-on teenager Clare (Joey King) is gifted a music box with Ancient Chinese lettering on it that her dad (Ryan Phillipe) found in a dumpster. The box allows her seven wishes, at the cost of seven lives.

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And it is not good. Continue reading Wish Upon (2017) Movie Review →

Action/Thriller, All Movie Reviews, Long Reviews (>400 Words), Love It

War for the Planet of the Apes (2017) Movie Review

Do you ever stop to think that 20, 30, 40 years from now the computer effects work that we herald in today’s cinema will look dated and unfortunate, as we may look back now on science fiction CG from decades past?

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At the onset of War for the Planet of the Apes, I thought of this briefly. I studied the edges of our simian compadres against the lush nature backdrops. Wondered if Winter (Aleks Paunovic) might stand out as too artificial given his albino coloring.

Then I dropped that thought. Even if somehow animators and effects artists master that Continue reading War for the Planet of the Apes (2017) Movie Review →

A Movies, All Movie Reviews, Comedy, Long Reviews (>400 Words), Love It, Romance

The Big Sick (2017) Movie Review

In The Big Sick, comedian Kumail Nanjiani plays comedian Kumail Nanjiani. He works the Chicago comedy club scene despite his parents’ wishes for him to become a lawyer or a doctor. Kumail has his own path to follow, differing with his parents’ Pakistani cultural beliefs on arranged marriages and Muslim prayer practices.

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However, he still lies to them in order to keep them happy, knowing that the possibility of being disowned from the family is all too real if he chooses to Continue reading The Big Sick (2017) Movie Review →

Action/Thriller, All Movie Reviews, Like It, Long Reviews (>400 Words)

Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017) Movie Review

2002. B-Movie horror crowd-pleaser Sam Raimi brings the iconic friendly neighborhood Spider-Man to the big screen.

2012. Following two Raimi Spider-Man sequels—one to great acclaim and one ill-fated—Sony revamps their comic book property with Marc Webb’s The Amazing Spider-Man.

2015. It becomes public knowledge that Sony and Marvel Studios reached an agreement to bring the red spandex, arachnid-based superhero into the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

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Now, 15 years after his first big screen appearance, Spider-Man (Tom Holland, in this instance) makes Continue reading Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017) Movie Review →