All Movie Reviews, Leave it, Long Reviews (>400 Words), Sci-Fi/Fantasy

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets (2017) Movie Review

People come to the movie theater to see spectacle. To see what demands to be seen on the large screen. This is one ideology, at least.

Director Luc Besson enjoys his spectacle. With $200 million dollars at his disposable, Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets is what comes of this affection for the visually bombastic.

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The film stars Dane DeHaan as the titular Major Valerian, a government soldier at Alpha, the space station galaxy encompassing 1,000 different planets. Although he plays the title role, however, DeHaan is eclipsed in screentime by Cara Delevigne, who plays Continue reading Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets (2017) Movie Review →

2018 Academy Awards, Award Ceremonies

Irresponsibly Early Oscars 2018 Predictions: Best Actor

None of these movies have been released (except for Get Out). Most of these movies don’t even have trailers released. But we’re talking about them anyway.

Hurrah, hearsay!

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Top Contenders:

Continue reading Irresponsibly Early Oscars 2018 Predictions: Best Actor →

2018 Academy Awards, Award Ceremonies

Irresponsibly Early Oscars 2018 Predictions: Best Actress

Key word: Irresponsibly. As in, I would tell you how many of the below movies I have seen, but you would click away to distance yourself from my poor journalism.

The 2018 Oscars are next March. That’s eight months or so. So…you wanna start guessing?

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Top Contenders:

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2018 Academy Awards, Award Ceremonies

Irresponsibly Early Oscars 2018 Predictions: Best Picture

It’s Christmas in July! That’s right, it’s time to talk about the Oscars. Wait, I hear you begin to gripe, the 2017 Oscars were mere months ago! How could you possibly be predicting the 2018 Best Picture nominees already?

And you’re right. I can’t. I’ll probably delete all of these Irresponsibly Early Oscar prediction articles by next January once my findings have been proved astoundingly wrong.

Until then, let’s talk about movies that, for the most part, no one has seen yet and discuss them in ways that give them unwarranted hype and grossly premature acclaim.

get-out-jordan-peele-2017-most-anticipated-horror-films

Top Contenders:

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All Movie Reviews, F Movies, Horror, Leave it, Long Reviews (>400 Words)

Wish Upon (2017) Movie Review

In Wish Upon, endlessly picked-on teenager Clare (Joey King) is gifted a music box with Ancient Chinese lettering on it that her dad (Ryan Phillipe) found in a dumpster. The box allows her seven wishes, at the cost of seven lives.

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And it is not good. Continue reading Wish Upon (2017) Movie Review →

Action/Thriller, All Movie Reviews, Long Reviews (>400 Words), Love It

War for the Planet of the Apes (2017) Movie Review

Do you ever stop to think that 20, 30, 40 years from now the computer effects work that we herald in today’s cinema will look dated and unfortunate, as we may look back now on science fiction CG from decades past?

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At the onset of War for the Planet of the Apes, I thought of this briefly. I studied the edges of our simian compadres against the lush nature backdrops. Wondered if Winter (Aleks Paunovic) might stand out as too artificial given his albino coloring.

Then I dropped that thought. Even if somehow animators and effects artists master that Continue reading War for the Planet of the Apes (2017) Movie Review →

A Movies, All Movie Reviews, Comedy, Long Reviews (>400 Words), Love It, Romance

The Big Sick (2017) Movie Review

In The Big Sick, comedian Kumail Nanjiani plays comedian Kumail Nanjiani. He works the Chicago comedy club scene despite his parents’ wishes for him to become a lawyer or a doctor. Kumail has his own path to follow, differing with his parents’ Pakistani cultural beliefs on arranged marriages and Muslim prayer practices.

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However, he still lies to them in order to keep them happy, knowing that the possibility of being disowned from the family is all too real if he chooses to Continue reading The Big Sick (2017) Movie Review →

Action/Thriller, All Movie Reviews, Like It, Long Reviews (>400 Words)

Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017) Movie Review

2002. B-Movie horror crowd-pleaser Sam Raimi brings the iconic friendly neighborhood Spider-Man to the big screen.

2012. Following two Raimi Spider-Man sequels—one to great acclaim and one ill-fated—Sony revamps their comic book property with Marc Webb’s The Amazing Spider-Man.

2015. It becomes public knowledge that Sony and Marvel Studios reached an agreement to bring the red spandex, arachnid-based superhero into the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

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Now, 15 years after his first big screen appearance, Spider-Man (Tom Holland, in this instance) makes Continue reading Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017) Movie Review →

Action/Thriller, All Movie Reviews, F Movies, Leave it, Long Reviews (>400 Words)

2:22 (2017) Movie Review

Dylan (Michiel Huisman) likes the stability of life. He sees patterns in everything. It fits perfectly with his air traffic control gig, even when he almost kills 900 people in a nearly botched landing.

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On this plane is his new love interest Sarah (Teresa Palmer). They meet at the hilariously-named air ballet “Beginnings,” in which they Continue reading 2:22 (2017) Movie Review →

All Movie Reviews, Love It, Sci-Fi/Fantasy

Okja (2017) Movie Review

Okja is an elephant-sized genetically modified pig, raised for 10 years by Mija (Seo-Hyun Ahn) and her grandfather in the Korean mountains. To one, Okja is a giant teddy bear of a pet. To another, namely the head of the company that created him Lucy Mirando (Tilda Swinton), it is a massive money-making food commodity.

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Okja is, once it gets going, a chase film involving three (eventually two) parties. This chase cuts through a narrative with tropes of coming of age and satire, neither of which reach their full potential.

If the indelible adorableness of Okja does not get to your heart, then this story may Continue reading Okja (2017) Movie Review →

One man. Thousands of movies.